I want to cry my eyeballs dry while I vomit.

I wish asking my grandfather “why didn't you stop the bombing?” sounded more rational. I stand behind my father grabbing his coat over looking the news from his shoulders, asking for comfort but he fails to reassure it.

I don't know what to say for so many reasons; Men have gone astray and left me speechless. Reality just struck like a whip of boiling wires on bare back skin. People have reached conclusions, and I still stand stiff on no grounds.

The public expressed their emotions, some on the streets in their cars playing "Jaishana" at maximum volume while others follow in silence contradicting them. Drivers were in cars beeping with bodies half way out of windows holding the Jordanian flag. This hospital public is too pure to be attacked in such ways. In the visits I’ve made to bombing locations I took pictures of demonstrators, some smiled at my lens because they didn’t know what else to do.

My first thoughts were concern over the economy and stock value, after absorbing it all now, I am sick to my stomach; I want to cry my eyeballs dry while I vomit. I’m disgusted it’s making me shiver.

I never knew the amount love I had for this country; it hit home I keep telling my self, these things do happen to normal people I keep telling my self, I want to bite hard on my teeth till they crack, I keep preventing my self.

I feel fear, hate, anger, frustration, I am worried. I feel betrayed. Life shouldn't just go on but it will, the day after the bombing I saw two undercover officers parking in the middle of the road, running down towards two bearded men who were walking. After slapping and shaking them to the ground, they apologized then returned to their pick up. I kept an eye on the bearded men as they adjusted their clothing; I recall the words of Edward Norton in Fight Club “I want to breathe smoke” and get the urge.

Life does go on I tell my self, it shouldn’t, but it must, and it will...
God bless